:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:An office manager was given the task of hiring an
fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found
people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them
one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the
interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Acknowledging MAN #1, the man replied, "A
THOUGHT". It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's
on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked MAN#2. "Hmm.... let me
see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever
happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very
popular cliche for speed."
He then turned to MAN#3 who was contemplating his
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the
wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across
the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A
LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and
thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light"
Turning to the fourth and final man, the
interviewer posed the same question.
MAN#3 replied, " After hearing the 3 previous answers, it's
obvious to me that the fastest thing known is Diarrhea."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"O I can explain ." said MAN #4. " YOU SEE , the other
day I wasn't feeling so good and I run soo fast to the toilet but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE
LIGHT, I already had a poo-poo in my
And she is right about lowes.:crazy:Here's a heart-warming story about the bond that formed between a little 4-year-old girl and some construction workers. It will show you that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 4-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough" more - or - less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a "pay envelope" containing $10. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those a******s at Lowes ever deliver the f*****n' drywall.........."
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! ???????????????I always enjoy a good chuckle, so if you get a good joke, feel free to post it up.
So without further ado....
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough , however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh" it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man say they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Leggos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 - year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jello.
15. VCR's do no eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonder. First grade... true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said.. Holy Sh*t!! A talking pig!"
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign .."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving snot out of the lawyer and says: "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"